I, IN ANOTHER FORM

Time was slow, agonizing. Days felt like weeks and I confused a minute for an hour. Visiting relatives was difficult. I didn’t look recognizable; they saw a stranger. Someone in the skin of a family member. I had become someone else and I felt it too. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see myself.

Pain and exhaustion were my only constant companions, staying by my side day in and day out. Yet the pain I felt was like nothing more than a figment of my mind, a sign that something deeper was worn down. Even after half a day’s worth of rest, the fatigue remained. 12 hours had passed, yet I woke up ready to go back to bed.

I remember sitting on the black recliner next to the hearth in the quiet of my grandma’s house. Then, nothing. The next moment, I woke to terrified looks on her face, and one that of her lover. I was lying flat on the stone tile floor of her living room, a dull bump rising on my head.

Establishing a VTuber¹ avatar²

Feelings like want, desire and motivation were absent. The joy of eating or drinking was nowhere to be found. Days passed, whether I had eaten or not, I could not remember. The cycle of lying on my couch by day and in my bed by night was my only act of movement. Minimal, but not yet completely gone.

This cycle felt like decay. Not sudden, not violent; just a quiet erosion. As if I were slowly disappearing, stripped of interest, appetite, thought, even thirst. My consciousness flickered like a static TV, catching fragments here and there. I only noticed time through its extremes; day turning into night, night back into day. I felt more present in the void than in the walls of my apartment.

My mother told me she found me like that. Unreachable. She felt powerless; unable to protect her child. A nightmare, wearing the image of her son. I came to terms with my own mortality before this. I wasn’t afraid of disappearing behind the great veil. It seemed almost merciful compared to this, hollow and lingering absence.

Character Design

Create a character concept and reference sheet, including facial features, hairstyle, clothing, colours, and expressions.
Or commission a Live2D³ avatar artist⁴.

Layered Live2D Artwork

The avatar must be illustrated in seperated layers (eyes, mouth, eyebrows, hair, body parts, clothing, etc.) so each part can move independently.

The decision was made instantly; I could no longer take care of myself. I did not protest as I was taken from my apartment, back to the familiar nest of my parents’ home. It should have felt safe. It didn’t. Yet I still wasn’t recognizable. The lack of energy will leave me chained to the confines of couches and a bed.

My father cursed and muttered, never in my presence or that of my mother. But the look of a man with a deep disgust for inaction was well known to me. He did not see me as his son; he saw a parasite. Greedy for support, too lazy to act. The symptoms, regardless of their origin, were a sin in his eyes.

I remember that I was taken for a walk; a route that was well known to me. When we still had a dog to let out, I could complete it in half an hour. Now it took me more than an hour. My father abandoned me early in the walk. My mother, afraid of him, followed in silence. It became clear that the walk did not cure the exhaustion.

Rigging

Import the layered artwork into Live2D rigging software⁵and assign movement parameters for blinking, head rotation, mouth movement, and facial expressions. Or commission a 2D avatar rigger⁶.

Facial tracking software

Import the rigged model into tracking software such as VTube Studio⁷ and calibrate webcam or face-tracking input.

Days turned to weeks, weeks into months, and months into a year. Nothing changed, but everything grew heavier. The silence was no longer empty; it pressed against me. Frustration rose first. Then I was angry. Then something that could no longer be contained; violent outbursts.
Any form of interaction triggered an alarm in my exhausted and strained mind. The mind responded with extreme emotion, demanding rest and recovery. Never physically violent, but my voice reached volumes I would never normally dare to reach. My friends told me they saw a brutish bully, in the outfit of their dear friend.
There was a moment when I caused a scene near a sandwich shop during lunch hour. There was no clear reason for it to escalate, only confusion that did not need to become what it became. But I lost control and started screaming, disrupting the space entirely. Onlookers gasping, and some customers moved to defend the shop against me. In the end, I managed to regain control and had to leave for my own safety.

Recording or Streaming Setup

Connect the avatar to software such as OBS Studio⁸ for recording or livestreaming.

Platform Integration

Configure the stream or recording output for platforms such as Twitch⁹ or other video platforms.